I talk about the Green Zone a lot. The term "Green Zone" comes from The Zones of Regulation created by Leah Kuypers, an occupational therapist who developed the system to help children struggling with sensory and emotional regulation.
I show my clients the chart and we talk about what emotional regulation is and why it's important. I support my clients in learning about their Green Zone, how they can tell what zone they are in it and when they have shifted zones. But for many parents, we are so focused on our children that learning to pay attention to our needs is a new experience.
We are in the Green Zone when we are:
Calm
Present
Able to respond to our children's needs vs react to their behaviors
Mindful of ourselves AND the world around us
In the Green Zone, it's easier to:
Have clarity about your child's behavior and motivations
Be connected to yourself and aware of your own needs
Feel connected to and present with your family, friends, coworkers...
Be with big and/or uncomfortable feelings. Your own AND other people's
Allow for consequences vs enforcing punishments
But most of us spend our time in the Yellow Zone:
Driven by fear and worry
Being vigilant, preparing for the "other shoe to drop"
Reacting to behavior
Looping or ruminating on past events or worrying about the future
Fearing the judgment of others (What will other parents think? What will my parents think? What will the neighbors, teachers, coaches... think?)
Engaging in power struggles with our child, our co-parent, or other adults
In Kuyper's model, the Yellow Zone isn't bad. None of the zones are! The Yellow Zone is where we experience slightly elevated emotions, from silliness and excitement to worry and frustration. It's not a bad place to be. It's only when we unconsciously spend most of our time here that it can become unhealthy.
The Red Zone is where we experience BIG emotions. Anger. Grief. Terror. Elation. Ecstasy. Again, not bad. But these emotions can be uncomfortable. Many of us were not taught Emotional First Aid. So we ignore, stuff and numb these emotions. But they don't go away. They build and build until they (or we) explode. Explosions can look like rage (Red Zone). Or they can look like sadness and isolation. They can last one minute or one week.
The Blue Zone is when we are tired, sick, sad. It can look like taking care of ourselves after sensory overload. It can look like how we normally feel at the end of the day. It can look like rejection. It can look like depression. But it can also look like boredom or sleeping late or resting when we're sick. Again, none of the zones are "bad". Ideally, we flow in and out of the zones throughout the day. The goal is to be aware of what zone you're in and not get stuck in an unproductive place. Being able to find your way back to your Green Zone when we've gotten stuck somwhere else is a healthy and helpful skill to have.
Now that you know about the zones, let's look back at the Green Zone. For me, I know I'm in the Green Zone when my daughter and I laugh together. I know I'm in the Green Zone when I respond to my husband's need for attention and not react to his behavior. When I can speak up for myself instead of trampling on my boundaries.
It's easier for me to stay in the Green Zone when I:
Get at least 7 hours of sleep
Have alone time every day (How much alone time I need depends on the day)
Eat every 4 hours
Meditate/Connect with my own stillness
Journal
Express my needs
Live within my values and strengths
What does the Green Zone feel like to you? How much sleep do you need? How often do you need to eat? Do certain foods affect your Green Zone? It was really hard for me to learn about my Green Zone. I had to ask my family to tell me what they could see because I couldn't see it myself.
My family knows I'm in the Green Zone when:
They feel heard
I laugh at their jokes
My eyes and my mouth smile at the same time
I remember to do the thing I said I'd do
Everyone's green zone looks different. So how do you know when you're in the green zone?
Are there certain friends you talk to?
Certain subjects you talk about?
Does the music you listen to change?
Are there certain phrases you say?
Do you laugh more?
Do you eat different foods?
Do you treat yourself better? (An example may be that you give yourself permission to rest? Or maybe you're able to notice that you need rest!)
(More about Green Zone Tools can be found here)
The most important thing about the Green Zone is that it provides you with a framework for self-compassion. And self-compassion is magical.
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